Miss Melbear

scrumpette @ 2002-03-21T06:38:00

2002-03-20T09:13:01Z

I'm so tired.

Years ago, I'd have adored this kind of job...involving sitting in a little office by myself in front of a computer for 8 hours a day. Now I just feel incredibly lonely. The kids in the classes in the room next door give me a headache, but I keep the office door open so I feel like less of a hermit.

For the first time in my life, I'm aching for human contact. Coffee and conversation, laughter, familiarity, love. And for the first time in my life, everyone is pulling away from me.

What pros do I have for today. Some year 8 boys helped me fix a computer without being asked. I got email from a friend telling me that he enjoys reading my journal and poetry. And the sky is a beautiful lavender-pink color.

Maybe it will be a beautiful day tomorrow.

Love you.

2 entries in 1 night! Bask in the glory!

2002-03-16T05:30:08Z

I forgot to mention that I found out I have asthma.

But the inhaler gives me a rash on my face. Guess I should stop squirting it all over my cheeks.

No. But really, I used it and the next day the rash came. So I'm putting it away for safe keeping. For now.

Funk dat.

(or somesuch.)

An update for anyone who still reads this;

2002-03-16T05:14:37Z

What we've got goin' on is so incredible
This chemistry between us feels so wonderful
But knowing me I'll probably find a way to mess it up
Who knows? Who cares?
Right now, just let me be in love

Hi.

Life in my acre of the woods is fine. Fine fine fine.

...

What more is there to say? I don't know how I used to be able to ramble on and on and make 100 entries per night, when now I can barely think of anything to write at all. Ironic considering I was doing fuck all back then, and now I'm busy busy busy.

How are you guys all doing? I'm severely behind in reading LJ's, but I'm gonna catch up soon.

Ok, so maybe things aren't so fine after all, but what am I gonna achieve by airing dirty laundry here?

I've spent my life lately weighing the pros and cons, trying to decide whether I like life or not. Useless probably, but it fills in the time. (excuses, excuses..)

I feel myself pushing the blade in deeper and deeper, yet I don't even notice myself holding the knife.

No, I'm not back to cutting. I'm not.

Somebody give me some goddamn pros. Cos my head has a chain of cons running through it.

Thanks for those who emailed me asking about work. It's fine. But I'm still in my probation period, so spending an hour and a half in the front office drinking with fellow employees probably isn't such a great idea. *mental note*

scrumpette @ 2002-03-10T06:52:00

2002-03-09T09:21:19Z

I'm late, I'm late, for a very ~~important~~ boring date.

An evening with dad's side of the family. How utterly enthralling.

No rest for the wicked.

But I got new shoes out of the deal, so who am I to complain.

Long time, no see.

2002-03-03T01:50:12Z

Hi guys.

It feels really weird updating LJ these days. I kinda miss having time to update it 100 times in one night, but it's probably better this way.

I've been really busy with work. For those who don't know, I got a job at a (kinda) local highschool as a trainee Network Admin. So that means I'm working either from 8 to 4, or 9 to 5, so I'm always realllllly tired by the time I get home. I'm enjoying it, the teachers and students are all really nice, the only drawback is that I get paid fortnightly, which just means I'll get 800 dollars every second friday rather than 400 every friday. Looks like I'll finally have money for socialising, so if anyone wants to catch up, send me an email and we can organize something.

Everyone else, take care and I miss you.

scrumpette @ 2002-02-23T01:46:00

2002-02-22T04:44:45Z

Come to think of it, fuck that. Done with airing dirty laundry on LJ. If anyone actually cares, they can ask me personally. If not, I honestly don't give a fuck.

From now, my primary concerns are Dan, my good (real) friends, and my family. Everyone else can kiss my ass.

scrumpette @ 2002-02-23T01:37:00

2002-02-22T04:33:26Z

Haven't updated for a long time.

Little disappointed to see some people I considered friends had removed me. Hi to the people who added me, though.

I'll talk to you all soon, and will explain then.

Good grief.

2002-02-09T12:25:04Z

I'm in kinda a funk here guys.

I suddenly developed a shockingly bad mood. One of those moods where I feel like saying "fuck" a lot. (I have noone to say "fuck" to though, which is a problem.)

However, I'm also in a "Shocking disco songs of the 80s" mood. Strange combination.

So I'm here shake shake shakin' my booty with watery eyes and a huge frown. I'm one unhappy disco-er.

But...I will survive! *grooves*

Hrm.

2002-02-09T12:01:05Z

Songs I'm downloading right now;

POD - Alive
10cc - Dreadlock Holiday
5 For Fighting - Um. Their new song.
KC & The Sunshine Band - Shake Your Booty

*nods*
Thought you all needed to know.

scrumpette @ 2002-02-10T08:38:00

2002-02-09T11:20:27Z

Hey people.

Just decided to download ICQ again. My number is 150155878 if anyone wants to add me. But for now...reboot time.

scrumpette @ 2002-02-10T07:20:00

2002-02-09T10:02:43Z

Honeys, I'm home.

Got my nightie and slippers on, snacks close at hand (Yes, I'm still on a diet..shh) and my feet up.

Don't usually do the whole birthday thing, but would like to wish Miss Lunakat a very happy one. :) *hugs*

Now, have some email to reply to, some spam to delete, and some livejournals to read.

Greetings, lovely people.

2002-02-09T06:38:13Z

I'z home.

Just so I don't have to write a million "Thankyou" replies, thankyou for all the congratulations on the traineeship. *smile*

Spent last night at Dan's. We met up in the city, looked in shops, bought him dinner, etc etc. Thursday night he came over and we went to the mall, bought him dinner, looked in shops, etc etc. :) Then this morning, went shopping with Dan and Renai to buy stuff for her party. Then went to vote. (I voted labour!)

Tonight after I shower, I need to go drop my uncle home...then think I'll either go rent "The Godfather", which I've been meaning to watch, or come online. Either way, it's gonna be a sweatshirt/pants/big fluffy slippers/no makeup night. Relaxation is what's called for! Might get to catch up with some of you guys which would be funky.

Something in Dan's bed bit my leg about 4 times, and bit his finger, too. Ouch.

My father made dumplings for dinner and they just taste like big balls of flour. Yuckary. Speaking of which, I saw 2 mice at Daniel's place. Scary.

Um. Yes. Well, I'll be off to go do my errands now, but no doubt I'll be back later.

Oh, and before I go...HI BRENTON CORKY! I know you're reading this now, so *biiiiiiiig hugs*

HOORAH.

2002-02-06T23:35:38Z

EXCUSE ME! AHOY!

I got the IT traineeship! Starting in 2 weeks time I'll actually be *working*.

Thought you guys might like to know! Especially a few people (you know who you are!)

Him; "Hello Melissa, I'm calling to congratulate you on winning the 2002 IT traineeship!"

Me; "Oh. Oh shit. Sorry."

How professional am I. But I just woke up, I couldn't help it!

*bounce*

MONEY!

HELP.

2002-02-05T08:58:28Z

Ok guys, I'm really desperate and really serious.

Recommend ways for me to lose weight. And don't tell me to stop eating like one sarcastic unnamed person already has. I mean REAL ways.

Exercise routines? Exercise machines? Products? Recipies? ANYTHING!

[Edit]
I might start my own weightloss diary on here, cos I'm a little shy to post my measurements in this one. What I really want to lose is fat from my tummy, legs, butt, and thighs. I'd kinda like to keep my boobs, though!

[Edit #2]
Just realized I don't have any invite codes to make a journal. Would someone be able to email me a spare one pleasssse? Scrumpette@bigpond.com

scrumpette @ 2002-02-06T05:54:00

2002-02-05T08:31:22Z

Well, you know.

My boyfriend doesn't want to see me, I've gained a kg, my father hates me, and some highly intelligent anonymous (of course) commenter feels the urge to tell me I'm a jackass.

Duh. If I didn't already know that, I wouldn't be posting that I dislike myself. You think I give a fuck?

Yes, I'm trying to improve myself the only way I know how...it takes time, but I know when all is said and done, people only want to be around you when you're attractive. It makes me sick, but unless I want to be lonely, I better start trying extra hard.

Oh, and if anyone has any spare friends laying around...send em over to me, I'm getting desperate.

No, I don't feel sorry for myself. To feel sorry for someone you hafta care about them.

I appreciate you LJ people's comments, but if you ever saw me IRL you'd know what I'm complaining about. Ask anyone who knows me. (Good luck finding anyone.)

scrumpette @ 2002-02-05T09:10:00

2002-02-04T11:37:52Z

Not tired.

But I'll go do my nails, then toddle off to bed anyway.

Can't be depressed when I'm asleep.

scrumpette @ 2002-02-05T08:33:00

2002-02-04T11:00:46Z

Sounds better than the ride I went on at the show last year.

*vomits at the thought*

scrumpette @ 2002-02-05T08:03:00

2002-02-04T10:38:20Z

Grrr. I have some weird cross between insomnia and uh...sleeping a whole lot.

I've been laying down trying to sleep, and couldn't...but I'm SO tired, and when I do fall asleep I'll probably sleep for 14 hours again. Quite ridiculous. Last night I had to read half of "The Godfather" before I could sleep at all.

I was out today. Grocery shopping, and all that. I saw someone. Wearing something I didn't like. I was angry. Vague? Yes. I shall explain.

Remember when I did work experience at that hotel not long ago? I worked extra hard, extra hours, didn't take any breaks, was friendly with the customers, and enjoyed my work there. Halfway through my work experience, a girl from the bar course I did joined me. She did work experience for a week less than me, less hours, shitty attitude, took lots of breaks, etc etc.

Anyway, at the end of it, I didn't get shit. I didn't really expect anything, but the manager said there were no jobs there, and that I'd be the first person he'd call if something came up.

I saw the other girl today, wearing a uniform from that hotel. I am not impressed.

Why was she hired and not me? Probably because she's about 5'3, long blonde hair, blue eyes, and tiny as hell. Whereas yours truley is 5'5, short black hair, blue eyes, and chubby. But still. Everyone thought she was beautiful, whereas I'm not what anyone would consider anything special to look at. I know appearances aren't the be all and end all, but this time I believe they were a major contributer. I did better work than her, so yes, I'm bitter.

Also the Casino never called me back about the interview I had there. So I'm also somewhat bitter about that.

However I got a call from a local Highschool today, about the government Information Technology Traineeship I signed up for. Interview on wednesday. Pesimistic.

I'm looking at websites about torture devices until I feel sleepy enough to go back to bed. It suits my mood. And WTF ever happened to www.torture.net anyway?!

I feel icky, and ugly, and unwanted, and useless. But then, that's better than how I usually feel.

[/Whine]

scrumpette @ 2002-02-02T23:30:00

2002-02-02T02:00:39Z

A quick update before I go to do some stuff.

Last night I went to a little cinema near my house with my mother. Movies here usually cost umm..14.50 for one movie, I think it is. At this place, it's 7.50 for 2 movies...only problem is, usually they're movies I've never heard of.

So, last night I wound up sitting through "Gwuinevere" (or however you spell it), and "The Golden Bowl". The first one was good, I could probably see it again, but the second one was way too long. I looked over and saw my mother asleep during the first movie, and I ended up falling asleep during the second one. (Hey, the seats were comfortable!)

Next week they're having "Lord of the Rings" and some new movie with Cameron Diaz. I might go.

Yes, I did get my hair done. The good news is, it's black. The bad news is, I let them cut it too short. I told them to just trim it, but apparently I wasn't paying attention, cos I walked out with it just above my shoulders. I'm *so* not used to short hair, and Daniel is going to hate it because he prefers long hair. But apparently he dyed his hair blue and cut it too, so I guess we'll be even.

Tonight is sky show. Crowds. Ugh. So I better go call Dan and organize something.

(And thanks for all answers to my last post's questions...keep em comin!)

scrumpette @ 2002-02-01T10:28:00

2002-01-31T12:55:32Z

I saw the video for Duran Duran's "Ordinary World" today, so I had to download it. Isn't it the most gorgeous song ever!

Ok, got a few questions for ya, mostly totally unrelated. And I may have asked em before, but pfft.

1. Recommend a song or some songs for me to download.

2. Describe to me your perfect partner, looks wise, and personality wise.

3. Describe to me a moment in your life when you felt incredibly loved and special.

4. If you could change one thing about yourself 1; Looks wise, and 2; Personality wise, what would it be?

5. Tell me some things to write poems about. C'mon, anything!

*twiddles thumbs and waits for answers*

scrumpette @ 2002-02-01T08:10:00

2002-01-31T10:59:32Z

Umm. Hi.

Today was fascinating.

I woke up. I went back to sleep. Repeat x100.

I woke up for good. Stumbled out of bed. Watched some romance movie with that chick from "Touched by an angel" in it. I must be getting older, because romantic movies are becoming more appealing to me by the day. But I would like to know why every romance has a grey haired guy as the male lead.

Had a shower. Shaved. Did nails. Plucked. Dried hair. Collected almost overdue videos from the boi. Watched Maury, Jenny, and Blind Date.

Tomorrow I get my hair dyed again. Black. No matter how often I get it dyed black, it keeps going back to a weird brown/red color. Still, I'll keep trying. Gonna go all out this time and get a haircut, and perhaps streaks. Not sure what style I want though, so I'm about to go searching for pictures. I kinda like the short messy styles, but real short hair doesn't suit me.

Big Day Out is tomorrow. I ain't goin. Never have. Not enough bands that I like, too crowded, too expensive, and I'm busy anyway.

My current favorite song is "Movies" by Alien Ant Farm. Is it just me, or is Dryden's (or whatever the lead singers name is) voice quite sexy in that song?

Still haven't solved the mysterious Andrew mystery. Call me back, whoever you are. Dying of curiosity.

Hm. So what hairstyles do *you* like on girls?

Oh, and the videos I'm referring to are;

Surf Nazis Must Die (WTF.)
From Dusk Till Dawn (Kickass.)
Dusk Till Dawn 2 (Ain't watched it yet.)
Virtual Sexuality (Amusing)
The Other Sister (Faaantastic!)

scrumpette @ 2002-01-31T04:22:00

2002-01-30T06:51:34Z

Also I have a little bothersome problem I'd like to ramble about.

I'm getting seriously tired of email from random people asking stupid questions.

No, people. "Casual fun" is not on my "To-Do" agenda. No, I don't want to have sex. No, I don't want another boyfriend. Get a life, jesus.

scrumpette @ 2002-01-31T04:07:00

2002-01-30T06:42:50Z

I feel sick. Ugh.

So, I was driving along, as you do...and I heard someone beeping their horn. Scared the bejesus outta me. I looked around. No cars. I shrugged and kept driving. More honking, looked around, no cars. It took me a few kilometres before I realized it was me doing the honking. Well not me, but the car. So I began my trek (or drive, shall I say) to the mechanics, all the while pondering the idea of my car being possessed, and all the while trying to block my ears from the now continous honking of my car horn. Yes, I really believed my car was possessed. So I went in and told the guy that my car is honking by itself. He looked at me in a manner which would indicate his "Wtf? You weirdo!" thoughts towards me.

Anyway, he fixed it. Some little rubber part in the horn had worn away, so he just disconected the whole thing, cos I couldn't afford 50 bucks for a new one. Besides, I've never once used my horn except to beep goodbye to people as I drive away from their house.

So of course, for the first time in my driving life, I needed the horn twice. Once when a truck attempted to pull in front of me, and the other when an old man in a VW came dangerously close to rubbing sides with my car.

But all is well. Car is still in one piece, as am I. Well, excepting the horn part. But that's okay.

...

So ANYWAY. Someone called my place last night when I was out with Dan (seeing Shallow Hal..funny movie!) and I have no idea who it is. Supposedly their name is Andrew, and when my mother asked if they know me from the internet, they said yes. But hung up halfway through giving my mother their phone number. There are several problems with this;

1. I don't know anyone named Andrew
2. Only people that I'm friendly with call me "Mel", and that's who they asked for.
3. When my mother said no, they asked if I was at a bar. So this someone knows I like the occassional(?) drink.
4. The (half) number they gave is from my area, and I don't speak to or know anyone who lives around here.

Anyone care to enlighten me?

scrumpette @ 2002-01-29T00:58:00

2002-01-28T03:25:39Z

Some drunk fucker broke my dad's windscreen with a boot. The shit cab drivers hafta put up with is amazing.

And guess what? Daddy has to pay for it.

.

2002-01-28T03:11:46Z

Been a little "under the weather" for the last couple of days, and there's a lot I probably should update about, but to be honest I can't be bothered. I know I'm neglecting LJ a lot lately, but things are going on in real life which are kinda complicated.

It's nice to know that certain people forget you once you've been away for awhile though. *raises eyebrow*

One thing I will say though, is that I bought inoxia foundation for $30, which is the most I've ever spent on one item of makeup. And my face is clearing up so I'm looking somewhat better than before. *toot toot*